Abstract đ
Within my thesis I explore my alter ego, using the analogy of the Pleaser Heel as an entry to her, Zarissa. I elaborate how my alter ego was built based on my upbringing, acquired aesthetics and materialistic desires. I go on to analyze the deeper layers behind my alter ego and argue that she utilizes her sexuality, specifically by evolving in the spheres of erotic entertainment and its relation to sex work, to reject the patriarchy and the male gaze. I conclude with reflections on the intersections of sexual repression, shame and whorephobia, all of which I aim to divert through my alter ego, a personal research into bodily autonomy, female sexual power and community.Introduction đ
Iâd like to begin with an anecdote from my life that Iâm personally fond of. When I was around 4/5 years old I was attending a kindergarten in Kaunas, Lithuania. To set the scene it was a basic kindergarten with a leftover soviet playground, ugly and rusty. One day, Iâm not sure due to what occasion, my father recalls a moment when all the kids answered the question: âWhat do you want to be when you grow up?â . All the answers from the other children where quite typical, fireman, policewoman, singer ect. When it came to my turn, my parents recount an answer they'll never forget. What was my response? Well it was simple,
âI want to be a
beautiful girlâ...đ
Now around 20 years later I embody the fantasy of being a âbeautiful girlâ through my alter ego. The definition of an alter ego is the following: 'an alternate self, which is believed to be distinct from a person's normal or true original personality. Finding one's alter ego will require finding one's other self, one with a different personality.â For me the idea of an alter ego functions as a tool to explore everything related to design. The inspiration behind my alter ego is myself, but an enhanced and highly curated version of me, in terms of fashion, styling, attitude and self expression. I view it as a direct embodiment of elements of my life I choose to include and choose to keep. Iâm designing my own narrative around a character (philosophical, physical, digital or 3D) based off my influences, dreams, desires, fantasies and the powerful women I admire. If I would have to put it simply, her nameâs Zarissa (started off as a complete joke a while ago), she is a sexy stripper, rich, smart and decked out in designer, and of course she owns hundreds of Pleasers. But more from her later.
What are Pleasers? đ
âPleasersâ is the name of the original brand that make shoes for strippers and by extension, pole dancers. They are heels ranging from 6-11 inches (15,24cm to 27,94cm) highly engineered for body movement. Pleasers have a smooth curve at the front allowing for a stable movement from a flat platform to a point, similar to the ballet position. This is practical for making prettier shapes with the body and making the feet look pointed. Another element is the way that Pleasers elongate the body, making the dancer look more flexible and allowing them to grasp the pole higher up to mount into tricks. Most importantly, Pleasers are very comfortable, they are specifically designed for dancers to wear during long shifts at the strip clubs (8-10 hours). So next time you wonder how dancers manage in such high heels, the answer is in the shoe engineering itself. Now that youâre familiar with Pleasers we can move onto describing and exploring the phenomenon of my alter ego. Throughout my thesis I use the analogy of âPleaser as entry to my alter egoâ. To illustrate, when iâm in my heels pole dancing class1 and all us girls put on our Pleasers we all stand taller, weâre boosted up with a whole new attitude, flexibility, energy and sexiness about us. We're still ourselves but elevated, physically and metaphorically. Theres a quote from a Minneapolis-based burlesque star, dancer, and professional dominatrix, who has about 20 pairs of Pleasers in rotation. Her description I was fond of, it went like this 'The proportion just seems to power me up in a She-Ra sort of way. You know how you grab the sword and youâre like, âI have the powerâ? You put on a pair of Pleasers, and suddenly youâre in that space to access more of your own sexual powerâŚâ This feeling, sense of own sexual power is everything I want to achieve through my alter ego. I honestly think everyone at some point in life should try on a pair of Pleasers⌠Although I donât believe you have to be a dancer in Pleasers to experience this energy that comes with wearing Pleaser heels. As I described this to one of my classmates whoâs not a dancer, he recalled a memory of the first time he stole and tried on his mothers heels, and could completely relate.
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Acquired Aestheticsđ
To elaborate on the feeling of elevation and accessorizing Iâd like to move on to talking about my upbringing, acquired aesthetics, family history in jewelry, materialism among the women in my family and Lithuania's Soviet past. All these elements played an important role in forming and creating my alter ego. Iâd like to reiterate, these are elements I choose to keep and choose to include. As I will emphasize throughout, its not random its curated. Lets start from the beginning, growing up I spent a-lot of time with my lovely grandmother Aldona in Druskininkai, a small town where we lived a very simple life. But my grandmother is far from simple, sheâs the most glamorous lady you'll ever meet. Iâd like to reflect on how much my upbringing influenced me and my alter ego. Especially my grandmotherâs and motherâs aesthetics. It was funny to realize that not everyone's grandmother gardens in sparkly platform sandals.
So lets establish the first lesson on the agenda, looking rich. I have always been told to look rich, presentable and beautiful when I left the house. The more clothing that allude to wealth the better, the more layered jewelry, gold, silver and diamonds the better. Luckily, I come from a line of jewelers, there was always plenty to accessorize with. Jewelry in my family has always been important, it has always been important to me. I never buy jewelry, everything I wear is either made by my grandad or uncle, or passed down to me from previous generations of jewelers. I wear my jewelry with pride. I carry parts of my family with me daily. I alternate compositions with the jewelry I wear every few months. I am never in abundance of looking rich in that aspect, there is always more jewelry coming my way during birthdays and Christmas I cherish it deeply. This past Christmas of 2023 I was sitting in the kitchen with my biggest muse and style inspiration, my grandma. I was wearing many layered chains and necklaces, as usual. Some of them I had just received the day before from my granddad as a gift, some are very unique chains made by him. I layer them in a way that creates a complimentary composition, my grandad and I contemplate it. Itâs not random, itâs curated. As my grandma sits beside me, she looks at me and is in thought, she proceeds to say something along the lines of âIâm just thinking about your necklaces, how your mother would layer them the same, how I would layer them and how my mother layered them like that too. We all do the same thing and love the same thingâ... For me thereâs something so effortless and almost automatic in the I way developed this admiration and love for jewelry, the way I learned to design its compositions on the body. The way I learned to look rich. I always loved piling on as much as possible even as a child. I would even spend my time organizing and layering my grandmaâs jewelry (see image). As I reflect, and observe, I can see how my acquired aesthetics are very present within my alter ego today and consequently my design practice. There came a point where I wondered how could I add more? More in the sense of contrast, composition, fantasy and allure.
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Sexy Plexi â¨
For me this is where Sexy Plexi comes into the picture. As we have already acknowledged, I adore being over accessorized. When it comes to my alter ego I like to take it to the extreme. Thus a few years ago I started âSexy Plexiâ, my own little jewelry business. I started with the intention of creating more contrasting pieces to create compositions with. My grandadâs jewelry is beautiful but I wanted something that was different and in line with my alternating aesthetic, something I could change up and experiment with, layer, pile on and perhaps deconstruct. Sexy Plexi as a product is individual plexiglass pieces I design and cut using the laser cutter. These pieces of plexi come in different colors and can be arranged in different ways on the body. This way of producing was so effective for me to explore my destiny of being a jewelry designer in my own contemporary way. I believe itâs a huge part of my alter ego, to pile jewelry on beyond my usual extreme. To allow myself to question how can I keep accessorizing more? And most importantly do I look rich? I often contemplate these things whilst getting dressed. And although it may sound absurd, my graphic design studies and practice taught me to analyze all these intentional design choices. I approach getting dressed, accessorizing and getting my hair and make up done the same way I would when designing a book or a poster. As Iâll keep repeating, it is not random itâs curated.
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Materialism And Desire đ
From my perspective, this obsession with looking rich, wearing exaggerated jewelry is deeply rooted in materialism. However, not materialism in its simplest form2.With the help of bell hooks Iâd like to delve into exactly what type of materialism I truly mean. One that comes from being suppressed as a society for many years, one thatâs manifested in many different ways, one that is not necessarily humble but is more honest and pure, a type of materialism that is a part of reclaiming, re-accessorizing and healing from Soviet trauma. Before I continue I want to make a few things clear. The matter of the Soviet Union is recent in Lithuanian history, I find that many people tend to forget that. It was only 34 years ago that Lithuania declared it's independence on March 11th 1990. In total we were occupied for 50 years throughout which we experienced incredible repression, hunger, brutality, enslavement, deportation, russification and much more. I am the first generation within my family to have never experienced the oppression and cruelty of the Soviet Union. However, being born only 11 years after its collapse, I see first hand its leftovers on our society What first stood out to me was the idea of respectability linked to the luxury possessions you own, but more specifically owning these expensive items, in times of extreme scarcity, sometimes whilst you canât afford to pay rent. The best way I can describe it is, in Lithuania you will see the most expensive cars on the streets and in parking lots of Soviet apartment block buildings. My neighbor in Lithuania with his Bentley is a prime example. As bell hooks puts it âWhen it came to the issue of desiring and longing for the beautiful object, whether it was a house, a car, furniture, clothing, shoes, etc., everyone agreed, across class, that folks needed to be in touch with beauty. It was such a common way of thinking about life it seemed "natural"â 3. I personally really relate to this quote and see how many people in Lithuania donât need these cars and nor can they afford them. But I get the feeling in our society, much like in the one bell hooks describes, this notion isn't questioned, it is commonly understood that getting this expensive car is respected and necessary. Thereâs an objective in the need and craving and desire to own these luxury items. I personally feel it too and have also observed it manifest in different ways among my family members. Ironically the more time I spend in Western Europe the more I get the impression that the general outlook of money and materialism is starkly different. The perspective is very practical, and not at all pleasurable. If Iâm honest, I find it almost sad. I grew up with the logic that money is there to be spent and enjoyed, never saved. The other day I had some extra money and I bought some new 8 inch Pleaser heels. I didn't necessarily need them but I had been obsessively dreaming about them for months. These materialistic desires in turn allow us to enjoy our lives of (fabricated) luxury. The idea of luxury also comes from the need to be surrounded by beauty, to collect beauty and to create beauty around ourselves. I see this need to collect within my family, this connection, admiration and eye for objects. Its definitely rooted in materialism though in a very humble and honest way. I can see how given our history and our past as a post soviet country we crave these objects that were once so scarce, we crave to have our own items and to keep them close, especially if beautiful.
Materialism and Feminism đ
For the women in my family the idea of collecting beauty exists in the world of fashion and glamour. Again, this notion of always being a beautiful girl/woman when exiting the house. My mother was always very glamorous no matter what occasion, outing or financial trouble she was in. Looking beautiful was always a priority. I enjoy the way Bell Hooks puts it: âTo my mother, "nice things" were not the earth, the sky, the eggs in the henhouse, "nice things" were the objects seen in advertisements, on the screen, and in catalogs.â*. I saw first hand how as my mother progressed in life and became successful, the Chanel bags she now owns became a symbol of her own success and the dedication it took to get there. I find that the subject of materialism in feminism is frowned upon, it has been heavily associated with negative consumption habits and capitalism. As bell hooks writes, âProgressive feminist thinkers are more likely to critique the dangers of excessive materialism without discussing in a concrete way how we can balance a desire for beauty or luxury within an anticapitalist, anti sexist agenda.â To the women in my family I find fulfilling these materialistic desires comes from a place of pride, pride in taking care of themselves, pride in looking good and feeling good, pride in style, pride in family history, pride in the hard work it took to finally be able to purchase these luxury items, pride in being able to have autonomy and control over their own finances, pride in their own success. The women in my family have always been hard workers and have always stressed the importance of independence - why not celebrate it by fulfilling a long term desire? I believe that hyper-materialism is not a sin, overall within feminism âwe need to place aesthetics on our agendaâ. For me that begins when I put on my Pleasers.
Introducing
Zarissađ
Zarrissa as I call her is a fantasy, formed by my own collection of acquired aesthetics and the influences I introduced, curated and pushed to the extreme. To the outside eye she is a sexy brunette bombshell, with light green eyes, big tiddiez big ass. Sheâs the ultimate beauty, the highest commodity. She loves luxury, she's hyper-materialistic. Sheâs high maintenance, hair, nails, accessories are always on point. She's a stripper, all her friends are celebrities and strippers. Her life revolves around her stripper community. When necessary she uses her Masterâs degree in criminal law to defend and protect them. Sheâs a girlâs girl. Sheâs a wanna be millionaire or billionaire. Her biggest muse - Rihanna, her biggest love - her Pleaser heels⌠Although thatâs all sexy and important, I want her to be more than just âa beautiful girlâ, I want her to exist within the world of feminism, I want her to be powerful, rebellious and an embodied rejection of the patriarchy. I want her to put aesthetics on the feminist agenda. As Elise Loehnen writes in her book âOn Our Best Best Behavior, The Price We Pay to be Goodâ, âIn the lives of women: We have been trained for goodness. Men meanwhile have been trained for powerâ. Well, Zarissa is trained for power , and how does she access it? Well through her Pleasers of course.
Sooo put on your Pleasers and take a glimpse into Zarissas world⌠đĽ°đđ
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HELLO
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The Bedroom, decorative curtain bell. Alongide my Grandparents showcase cabinet, fish shaped bottle with matching shot glasses, used for Vodka. A very highly valued and desired item to have during the soviet union.
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The Bedroom, my grandmas jewelry arrangements. I used to do this for her as a kid.
HELLO
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HELLO
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The Male Gaze đ
Iâd like to start from the beginning of the termâs history but also introduce some characters in order to help me access its definition. The first character is Jessica, she is a white western blond woman who easily fits into the patriarchal norms of a submissive woman. She is the embodiment of the âgood girlâ phenomenon. As Mikki Kendall puts it a âgood girl is one who won't engage in any of that pesky interest in herself, her own goals and concerns, but who is instead seemingly willing to be directedâ. Someone like Zarrissa who is rebellious and challenges the patriarchy is the opposite of a Jessica. Now the next character is someone who could be Jessica's boyfriend: Chad. âA Chadâ among internet culture âis a stereotypical alpha male who suppresses women in order to feel powerful, he is depicted as an attractive, successful, muscular, cocky white manâ. Historically the term âMale Gazeâ all started as a feminist theory arising from cinema. As many women noticed that females in movies were being portrayed through the eyes of someone like Chad, a straight man objectifying and sexualising women with his gaze. Imagine if Chadâs eyes were a camera, that is the origin of the male gaze. A popular example of the male gaze in film can be seen in Michael Bayâs 'Transformers'. The film has been credited for making it's lead female star Megan Fox into a sex symbol. Her scenes were filled with gratuitous body shots, and she primarily served as the âhot girlâ. If her character would have been developed and depicted the same way as her male co stars, the story would have been very different. Overall, the male gaze has always been bigger than cinema, it is a symptom of hetero-patriarchy that was exposed through the art of cinema and photography. It is a depicted image through the eyes of a Chad. Within todays society, it is present all around us within social media and entertainment, hyper sexualised females in video games for example. It serves as a representation of the ideal âwomanâ and the ultimate âgood girlâ like Jessica, who is attractive and submissive to the alpha male Chad and exists for his visual pleasure. The male gaze is a degrading fantasy that feeds off of the excessive female beauty standards around us. But what I find important to highlight is that the male gaze is something imposed onto women, an imposed beauty standard, an imposed objectification. Megan Fox was not in control of the way she was going to be edited and written into the movie, the male directors were. The hyper sexualised women in video games are depictions that men have designed. However, as quick as we criticize the male gaze we are also just as quick to criticize the women victim to it. The Zarissas of this world. Itâs criticizing and objectifying super-feminine presenting women, it attacks the materialistic women, the âbeautifulâ women, the more promiscuous women. This criticism towards the super feminine female goes both ways, the Chads objectifying them and the Jessicas hating them for supposedly giving into the Chadâs objectification. Itâs a complex cycle, one where the patriarchy pits women against each other.
The âSinfulâ Woman As A Threat đ
Iâd like to look back on the history of the patriarchy with the help of Elise Loehnenâs perspective, to review how women have been sexually suppressed, and its connection to the emergence of female rivalry. It begins with the Catholic Church back in 591 A.D. Pope Gregory, the bishop of Rome in 590 A.D. claimed that Mary Magdalene, (Jesus's most devoted student and potential lover) was a prostitute for oiling the feet of Jesus with her bare hands, an extremely scandalous act. Therefore, as Pope Gregory âpreached about the Seven Deadly Sins for the first time, he assigned these vices to Mary Magdalene and branded her a whore, conflating Mary Magdalene with the "sinful woman,". By condemning Mary, Gregory condemned all women.â (of the white colonial world.) I find the real question lies in why the religious authorities at the time would insist that Mary Magdalen, Jesus's best student and potential lover, was now the embodiment of all sin? Episcopalian priest Cynthia Bourgeault explains, "Feminist scholars are inclined to see a deliberate plot here: In an emerging church hierarchy founded on the assumption of a male-only and celibate succession from the original apostles, Mary Magdalene's apostolate was clearly an anomaly and threat." How interesting, Iâd like to think of this as the first signs of whorephobia, using female sexuality to reject women from any kind of recognition or apostolate, branding them as âwhoresâ and âprostitutesâ with the intent to insult and deem them sinful, all out of fear and threat. Fear of losing control over women, threat that theyâd become more powerful than men. Itâs disappointing to see that in terms of demonizing women, especially sex workers, today not much has changed. We are still afraid of the âfree womenâ , the Zarrissas. How they go against the patriarchy. So much so the fear has been reversed onto women and creates the good girls like Jessica. But as Gerda Lerner said "The system of patriarchy can function only with the cooperation of women. This cooperation is secured by a variety of means: gender indoctrination; educational deprivation; the denial to women of knowledge of their history; the dividing of women, one from the other, by defining 'respectability' and 'deviance' according to women's sexual activities; and by awarding class privileges to conforming women.â Therefore, we must choose to not âconformâ . We must choose to put on our Pleasers and crush the patriarchy!
How Zarissa Rejects The Male Gaze And Patriarchy In Her Pleasers đ
I learned through practicing pole dance and researching the life of strippers how not to âconformâ . How to take control of our own sexuality, analyze what it means for us, in terms of being a woman, in terms of being a free woman, in terms of being a âbeautifulâ seductive woman and a feminist woman. First off sexuality for me is a tool, one that must be unlearned in regards to the male gaze, and relearned on your own terms, to control and utilize it. Jo Weldon a stripper and writer puts it beautifully. In Lizzie Bordenâs âWhorephobia, strippers on art, work and lifeâ, Weldon was asked âIn your story, you write about why you wanted to become a stripper. Was it about the glamour?' to which she replies âIt was the idea of my sexuality being not only whatever it is inherently, but also something I could play with. I love the idea of it as a site of play and entertainment. And I love the idea of sexuality as something for entertainment, both for the viewer and for the person expressing itâ. To me this is the first stage of sexual liberation and breaking the patriarchy and male gaze, the idea of taking agency and performing femininity in a way that is other than the one that is imposed onto you. Itâs an act of choosing. The claim that âstripping objectifies womenâ assumes that there is an external objectifier who determines the purpose of the performance. The dancer is passive in their sexual expression. Meaning that they are not actively choosing, they're complicit, forced or exploited. This does not take into account that the dancer may choose to dance sensually, for their own pleasure. The idea of sexual expression solely performed to satisfy an external observer, Chad the objectifier, only reinforces old patriarchal narratives. Ones that again, must be crushed with a pair of Pleasers. If choice and agency over our bodies is the first way to break out of the male gaze and patriarchy, second would be breaking away from constructs of âshameâ , a consequence of sexual suppression. Personally, this was one of the biggest lessons I learned through pursuing pole dance, the release of shame, unlearning and relearning sexuality on my own terms in absence of âshameâ. Itâs one thatâs easier said than done but one that liberated me greatly. As Jo Weldon puts it âI saw in performers like Cyd Charisse, as this incredible free spirit, open about sexuality and absolutely shameless. The absence of shame was absolutely the pinnacle of achievement for me in a world where everybody tries to control you by shaming you.â I find that by putting on my Pleasers, I gain the confidence to escape this shame.
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Conclusion đ
As I reflect and conclude Iâd like to circle back to what my alter ego truly means to me, and how we can progress as women and feminists based off her influence. Firstly, the function of curating my alter ego for me is a sense of control. Control of reclaiming my history, control over rejecting patriarchal norms forced onto me and my body. Within it I find great freedom, to explore femininity, curate and design Zarrissa to be this rebellious sexy figure, pushing her further than just fantasy, giving her a stance. Its funny, when I began this thesis I did refer to her as a fantasy, and in many ways she still is but in many ways I was wrong. Whilst visiting a strip club in Amsterdam I talked to Roxan a sex worker whom I questioned about what the alter ego means for her. She taught me that an alter ego is an exploration of an alternative side of my identity, one that iâm slowly becoming, one that I crave to explore, I guess Zarrissa is almost a sense of urgency. As truthfully, it is easier to function and explore under an alter ego, she's braver than me and sexier than me. Every time I put on my Pleasers I am morphing into her, but perhaps one day I wonât need them anymore. In terms of the future I have a proposition that I need to get off my chest. Letâs take Zarrissa as the embodiment of the free woman, and letâs not forget she's a stripper. Lets all start looking at strippers and sex workers with admiration for their unapologetic exploration of sexuality, femininity and rejection of the patriarchy. Get rid of your disgust, ideals of sin and objectification. Secondly, lets all live a little more like pole dancers and stippers, in community, a community without judgment and female rivalry, a community where all women are welcome and not excluded4. I invite you all to put on you Pleasers and step into our worldâŚ
Bibliographyđ
Borden, Lizzie. "Whorephobia: Strippers on Art, Work, and Life."
hooks, bell. "Art on My Mind: Visual Politics" and "Essay Beauty Laid Bare: Aesthetics in the Ordinary."
Loehnen, Elise. "The Price We Pay to Be Good: On Our Best Behavior."
Lorde, Audre. "When I Dare to Be Powerful."
Russell, Legacy. "Glitch Feminism: A Manifesto."
Woolf, Virginia. "A Room of One's Own."
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ElzÄ VilkelytÄ Graphic Design Thesis 4A 2024.
Guided by Dirk Vis
Edited by Mila Narjollet Guilloux